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2022.05.16
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jiney✎
jiney長沙人（擅長吃辣的意思）/美術學院畢業生（容易失業）/路上觀察學同好（走在路上會經常停下來）/人類學學徒（目前寫作速度有點慢）
A native of Changsha (skilled at eating spicy food) / art school graduate (often unemployed) / roadside observation hobbyist (often pauses while walking) / novice anthropologist (still a slow writer)
这词不常出现在艺术展览手册中，我选择这词是因为我无法选剩下的最后一个词。
如展览手册一样，大多数人倾向于将这种情绪藏起来，以更大的“正确”包装内里的脆弱，或只愿意在亲近的人（或是完全陌生的人）面前（有时以撒娇的姿态）袒露“委屈”中一小部分：
为什么偏偏是我？ 为什么只有我？ 为什么我必须忍受这一切？
哪怕是落落大方的人，面对不被外界认可，甚至是被误解的沮丧，也很难藏好心底的愤懑与不甘。心底的重量不断累加，转化成深重的自我怀疑——一种几乎要剥夺掉自身所有行动力“不可说”的忧郁。好在这并不是个别人的际遇，人们守着各自心底脆弱情感，以为没有人察觉，直到某天被别的什么人或东西捕获，终于如释重负。
This term doesn’t often appear in exhibition catalog texts. I selected it because there was no way I could work with the other one that remained. Like an exhibition catalog, most people prefer to hide this feeling away, packaging their vulnerability within a greater “propriety.” Or perhaps they only feel comfortable revealing (sometimes in a joking or sardonic manner) a small portion of their “grievances” to those they feel close with (or otherwise complete strangers): Why does it have to be me? Why am I the only one? Why must I suffer all this? Even the most extroverted and self-assured person has trouble hiding his resentment and lack of enthusiasm when the external world doesn’t validate him, or when he experiences the frustration of being misunderstood. The weight keeps accumulating at the bottom of one’s heart, transforming into a profound self-doubt—a nearly debilitating and “unspeakable” melancholy. Luckily, this is not an isolated fate that one must endure alone. People guard their vulnerabilities, thinking no one notices, until one day, someone or something catches on, and the weight is finally lifted.